jellybeans1

06:09 pm: pissed off and hurting
So I was supposed to go to the neuro guy today to find out what we are going to do about this mass in my head. Unfortunatly we got there only to find out that they do not take my insurance. That sucks. My head is hurting so badly I can barely stand it and so I called my doc and she called in a script for me. I am waiting for walgreens to have it ready for me. This just totally sucks. I am hungry but dont know what I want and really dont want to cook. My baby is watching Suze Orman and learning about money stuff. I am trying to cuddle but it is hard since it hurts so much when I lay down. I could just scream. Work is going good but it would be so much better if my head would stop hurting and I could sleep for more than 2 or 3 hours at a time. UGH!!!! 

04:13 pm: Another day another dollar
 So had a hard night sleeping last night. Worrying to much I guess. I had to get up early and leave for work by 6:00 AM. That sucked. Work went by fast though and I even enjoyed it. I make it into a game where I try to count things as fast as I can and beat my time from yesterday. I know it sounds stupid but it keeps me from going crazy. Came home to find out that the neurologist my doc referred me to was a pediatric neurologist so I am waiting for my doctor to call in a referral for a new one. I looked up a bunch of stuff about this cyst/tumor and a lot of my symptoms are listed as side effects. This gives me some relief in that I am not going crazy with my headaches and stuff. I took a nap and am going to make a good dinner for us tonight. Baked chicken squash and broccoli I think. My beautiful wife is so hard to leave in the morning but I get so excited when I know I am going to see her again as soon as I get home. It reminds me of getting so excited when I would go to see her when we first started seeing each other.

08:31 pm: my incredible wife

So my wife knows just how to make my day so much better. We went seashell hunting in the ocean and played around in the waves. Tonight we are going to cuddle and read. With her by my side I feel like I can face anything:)

07:24 pm: Rollercoaster Ride
 Ok so I titled today rollercoaster ride because that is how I feel. I am in complete shock. I worked last night got home at 2:30 did some laundry and then left at 6 for another 5 hours of work. I was so exhausted when I got home but my baby took care of me and curled up with me and made me some food. She even suffered through some Deep Space 9 with me. I had my doc appointment this afternoon. I told her about having trouble hearing and my headaches and she sent me for an MRI it turns out that since my last scan 2 months ago I have a new cyst/ tumor that is impacting my hearing as well as some other things. I have to go to the neurologist asap  and I am just in shock. I dont know what to do. All I can think of is to keep going to work and be patient for the neurologist. I am scared. I have lost approximately 50-60% of my hearing and if this thing keeps growing I will keep losing hearing. Also I will keep getting my killer headaches. I hate this shit. I am so tired of doctors and everything. I want one year with good health where I can rebuild my life. I am so proud of myself and happy that I am working and enjoying my job. I counted Victoria Secret last night and Walgreens today. And then the rug gets pulled out again. I didnt let my baby go with because I thought I was just getting referrals from my last appointment and I didnt want her to be bored out of her mind waiting since my doc usually takes awhile. But I wanted her there so badly. Afterwards I picked up some Junior Whoppers and a slurpee and came home to my beautiful wife's comforting arms. I hate putting her through this shit. I hate having to worry. I hate being scared. I hate being out of control.

07:15 pm: first day of work
 Ok I start work today at 10pm. So my baby and I have been hanging out all day. This morning we went and worked out and then we went for a walk on the beach to collect seashells. Then we came home and watched some star trek and took a nap together. We just got up and watched some sopranos. Earlier in the day I downloaded a book to my beautiful wife's maestro so that I can listen to The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch on my way to work later. I have to leave ina bout an hour since I need to return some movies to blockbuster on the way and I am going to take the bus to save on gas. I am having a really hard time with my hearing today and I can only hope that it gets better. I had to reschedule my doc appointment for tomorrow since I had to go to training again on Friday. So it will be interesting to find out why my ears are all messed up now. I cant hear high pitches or quieter things and I have to have things turned up really loudly which kind of sucks. I am looking forward to work later:) My baby is so amazing and I love sleeping all cuddled up with her. I get off work tonight at 2 and have to be back at 7 so I will be exhausted tomorrow but it is worth it.

06:12 pm: Today so far
OK so today we woke up around 11am. After we fought a little because I had checked out second life while I was playing poker the other day and I forgot to inform my love. She was pissed because she felt like I was trying to hide something. I got an email from Alice and she sounds good although, as my baby pointed out she spoke very cryptically. I had to explain that you have to speak like that in Kenya just in case someone is looking over your shoulder. It is illegal to be gay in Kenya and so it is a dangerous place. We went to the library to get some paperback books so I can take them on the bus when I go to work next week. Then we went to target and got some black dockers and a black belt for my uniform that I needed. When we got home we went to the gym and just walked at a really slow pace for an hour and a half. That felt good. I wanted to go swiming in the ocean but my baby didnt want to get sandy. So now we are going to walk to walgreens to get some eggs and milk and tuna so I can make dinner and then we will relax and go swimming tonight when the pool is empty. I have been missing Jelly like crazy today but I keep consoling myself with the fact that she is better off and that sooner or later I will have another large dog around. Ms. Millie is doing well on her puppy pad training I cant wait to test her but we need to get paper towels first. We have been watching Suze Orman and trying to figure out how to get a hold on our finances and I think we will soon. Especially with me working. Oh well that is all for now. My baby is awesome and so cuddly and I am pretty content right now. 

10:04 pm: Job time yeah

So yeah I got a job. I actually got paid today for the first time in a long time. In two weeks I will have a paycheck. I have to go back tomorrow for more training and then I start at 10pm-1or2am on Sunday and then 6am-9or10on Monday and another 6am on tuesday. The hours kind of suck but at least I am getting paid.I am working as an auditor for RGIS. Basically a company hires RGIS to do an inventory of their store. I get to spend my first couple of days counting things at Victoria Secret really close to our house. I am so excited. I am just going to do this until my health crap gets cleared up and I have my foot surgery etc. If I can get health clearances before that I will be going back to trucking since I can make more money that way. I see the doc tomorrow so we will see then. So tomorrow will be another long day away from my baby but we are slowly moving closer to our goals one day at a time. That is what counts.